I’d really like to know wtf flavor this is! Lol

pleaseholdstill:

Princess Leia is JUAN tough cookie.

when I saw this on twitter from Rachel I thought it was going to be Leia with Juan’s face. Slightly disappointed it’s not. lol

A celebrity whom I had never heard of got kidnapped in Jersey but they live in NYC so they ask the family/city for $10million. City for some reason agrees to pay for his release, probably thinking they can do a police trade off & grab the kidnappers before they make a getaway. The kidnappers to tears this do a life random drawing of the person who will deliver the money. They spin around one of the big mixers for raffles, only it has several hundred thousand names of random people in the area in it. Somehow my friend Martin gets chosen & he allowed to bring a driver. That winds up being me. Kidnappers fax us a route we have to drive otherwise deal is off & they kill the person. It’s in 2 days. And the route goes through Manhattan, the Bronx, and then gotta take the Tappanzee back to jersey and finally back down to Secaucus (the town Martin lives in, meadowlands area). We go to drink at a place in Secaucus at night cause we need to calm down and be relaxed for tomorrow. Somehow we overhear this one guy at the bar (not exactly a nice place but it was close by) knows about who’s doing it. I tell him we are both townies, and he says to “ask around” the bar Grindhouse. So we leave the bar we are at and go to find this Grindhouse bar. It’s on the edge of town. We go & park a ways away. Because we don’t want to be seen & don’t want our car blocked in case we need to make a getaway. There is a strong guy outside waking around guarding the outside. I’d say bouncer but he had a gun. I sneak up on the guard from behind when he stops to light a cigarette. I put a knife to his neck and take his huge ass hand gun away from him, then his normal size back up piece. Which I hadn’t seen before. Knock him out with chloroform towel since he didn’t alert anyone. Turns out he just looked tough but was kind of a coward. Or maybe it was that I had knife at his throat the while time. So we go to look inside a window….and thats when I woke up. Its like a commercial cliffhanger on a cop show. Only unless it continues tonight when I sleep, I’ll never know the ending.

spoken-nerd:

caperio:

You should probably slow down!

Can’t unlook at this XD

Maybe now people will slow down

I hope this is real that would be awesome, but it looks like a photoshop.

lauren-ash:

I want a transparent toaster!

I want normal household gadgets that just look cooler to make the apartment look very modern and interesting.

yourdevotedvictim:

-sparklelikebowie:

shinkuro:

beautilation:

Oh fuck yes I will have this for the zombie apocalypse. You bet your ass I will.

Because I know all of my lady tumblr friends (which is about 99%) of you, will want this for the zombie apocalypse too :]

Oh. My. God.

I don’t like Hello Kitty… but I would SO USE THIS XD.

spoken-nerd:

julieisforlovers:

“He’s a Doctor, but he’s not really a doctor. Like Dr. Phil, but AWESOME.”

Intellect and romance over brute force and cynicism!

thecuckooclock:

How is it that’s we’ve had vampire movies now for nearly 100 years and the original Nosferatu is the only one that legitimately frightening?

A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it’s filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, “What’s with the money in the jar?”

“Well…, you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Lexus.”

The man certainly isn’t going to pass this up, so he asks, “What are the three tests?”

“You gotta pay first,” says the bartender, “those are the rules.”

So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender $10 which he stuffs into the jar.

“Okay,” says the bartender, “here’s what you need to do:

First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila, in 60 seconds or less, and you can’t make a face while doing it.”

“Second - There’s a pit bull chained in the backwith a bad tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands.”

“Third - There’s a 90-year old lady upstairs who’s never had sex. You have to take care of that problem.”

The man is stunned! “I know I paid my $10 — but I’m not an idiot! I won’t do it! You’d have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila and then do all those other things!”

“Your call,” says the bartender, “but, your money stays where it is.”

As time goes on, the man has a few more drinks and finally says, “Where’s the damn tequila?!”

He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can. Tears stream down both cheeks — but he doesn’t make a face — and he drinks it in 58 seconds! Next, he staggers out the back door where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole. Soon, the people inside the bar hear loud growling, screaming, and sounds of a terrible fight — then nothing but silence!

Just when they think that the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar. His clothes are ripped to shreds and he’s bleeding from bites and gashes all over his body. He drunkenly says, “Now…, where’s that old woman with the bad tooth?”

pleaseholdstill:

YES! lulz

Haha awesome